Yeah I know right!!

Hello my lovelies. I hope you are all doing well.  I so need to do a vlog to show you how I am doing.  But for now let me tell you how I am feeling and what has happened since the last time we spoke.  

Weight Loss I have lost in total 52lbs.  That is amazing!! I am shocked.  I've never lost that much in my life.  Ive gone down almost 3 dress sizes.  I'm starting to feel positive and confident.  It's the small things, like I'm starting not to feel like the jolly green giant.  When I say that when I was 52lbs heavier I would always feel awkward and in the way.  I'm glad to say I am feeling less like that.  

Last Sunday I went to my cousins and had a delish Sunday roast.  I ate slowly and carefully as I am paranoid about being sick or dumping.  It went down nicely and stayed down.  I was worried about eating in front of everyone, but they were super supportive and ignored me.  we did have a joke, my cousin saying "there ya go you greedy bitch"! Charming.

I've been cooking every day and trying new recipes, which hopefully I will share with you once I get myself organised.  I'm a little all over the place at the moment.  

I've joined the gym - Yeah I know right!!  But I also know that if I don't exercise my wobbly bits will wobble even more.  I still have 11 stone to lose so I can start toning the bits underneath.

I'm really liking myself at the moment.  I like the way, my mind is thinking and it's so happy.  I'm far from cured as WLS is not a cure but I am aware of food.  It's a different feeling from dieting and failing.  I am not dieting anymore which is really weird.  I am eating healthy and trying to make things from scratch so I can control fat intake.  I still don't fancy anything sweet and chocolaty.  As I typed that I literally turned up my nose hahahahhaa.

Overall The decision to have WLS was the best thing.  6 weeks ago I was getting ready to go in and now look at me all done and dusted and on my everlasting journey.

What I actually took with me

I was very frugal with what I took the reason being like always I overpack and never really need half of it.  So here is my break down for 3 nights

Toiletries

Toothbrush & toothpaste

Shampoo 2 in 1

Soap bar 

Flannel - not needed THG supplied

Deodorant

Clothing

Soft Bra x 3 

Knickers x 4

Pyjama's x 3 (I wore the shortie ones and just really had the top on)

Dressing gown (Wore around the hospital when I was getting moving and outside)

Slippers

Maxi - Dress to go home in

Cardigan

Medication

Vitamins & Minerals

Anti Acid

Anti Anxiety/Depression meds

Extra's

A fan

Ipad/charger/headphones

Phone/Charger

That is it my friends..  Simply because I did not want to over do it and I knew I really wouldnt care what I looked like once I had the surgery. This fitted in a beach bag.  So it was easy to carry.

Hope this helps

The Flip Side

Dear friends it is so good seeing you again.  Even though I am probably talking to myself, it all good.  I am not doing this blog for anyone but me.  Getting my thoughts and feelings out there.

So Dearies where did we leave off.  I think I was just about to go to the hospital..

11th July 2017 Mum and I travelled to Solihull.  It is quite a nice place there.  Our Driver Pete got us to Spire Parkways in perfect time for my pre op assessment.  I was nervous but yet happy.  I had my support group there on whatsapp and also my mum with me.  I don't think I could have got through it without her and them.  They were the ones who have been rallying round, making me laugh when things were getting tricky..

At the pre op the nurse checked, my heart, blood, weight, blood pressure and oxygen levels.  She was quite amazed how healthy I am.  I was really proud.  So my final pre of weigh in was 23lbs..  Yeah almost 2 stone.  I never thought I would even get to that much.

They were so nice.  Everyone was so welcoming and comforting.  I never felt rushed at all, no wonder I was so calm.

Mum and I went off to our hotel who again were very welcoming friendly and kind.  We were starving by this point.  I was feeling a little queasy all day, pre - op nerves.  So I really wanted a burger but I was clever, I had steak which was protein, mushrooms and tomato for my veg and carbs I had a few chips.  I never ate any desert which was a miracle..  I was really pleased with myself that I never had a blow out.

Anyway I was told that my operation was put back to around 4pm EEEEEKKKKKK!!! and to be in for 3pm.  I could have breakfast around 8 - 9am but nothing after 12.   As you can imagine the day of my surgery I was not good, my tummy was playing the fandango...  Mum and I decided to go and get some breakfast and then go for a walk.  That wasn't to happen.  The Hospital called and wanted me in straight away.  I went in to panic mode.  Lucky I didn't actually eat breakfast cos my nerves would not allow it.

So I get to the hospital when Mr Vijaar came and saw me.  He explained that Mr Richardson was running late and if I wanted he would do my surgery.  There I go another panic mode.  I thought on the spot and agreed.  We went through all the paperwork and low and behold my Angel Dr Richardson came swooping in like superman without the cape.  Before I knew it I was prepared for surgery ..........

Friends do forgive me if I am taking my time to catch you up.  I am all thinger and fumbs and the moment..

Tomorrow

Hello friends.

So tomorrow is my surgery.  Today I am travelling to Midlands with mum - Having the pre op etc.  How am I feeling.  Well.....................  It's all good..   I did a final weigh in lost another 3lbs.  I really wish it was this easy.  Unfortunately it's really not!!  I know if the surgery was not at the end of the tunnel, I would have caved weeks ago.

Hasn't it gone fast.  I mean really fast!! 4 weeks ago I was taking my first gulp of milk.  I still cant stomach the protein shakes.  Anyhooo I will update you when I am back with a long old story xx

So I will see you on the flip side..

Not many days to go

OHHHHHHHH!! I am wibbly at the moment.  But lucky for me I have so much to do..  Which is good.  It's keeping me super busy and I love it..

Almost 4 weeks in and I've lost a grand total of 20lbs.  Not bad I thought I might only lose around 10lbs.  So bonus all the way.  I've felt a little bit techy of late and this stage of my jur - hur- knee I am near breaking point.  However, saying that I am really pleased with myself.  Yesterday there was a B-B-Q at work, everything you can imagine, big fat cream cakes <insert drooling here>  Guess what I did?   I just turned my back and waddled down to my office, where I proceeded to open the fridge take out my lettuce, tomato and chicken salad, with no dressings and wept softly as I munched away..  HAHAHA!  But you know what, I benefited from all of that by the weight loss.

But seriously my mindset has really changed.  Before I would eat with my emotions now I feel like I have hope.  I still need to work on chewing slowly and hope that come in stages.  So another week in and completed.  I am really proud of myself.

I did my Facts & Figures today also - There is no noticeable signs in the picture but everything else has reduced.

See you later alligators xx

8 Days to go

OH friends!! What have I done????

I had some chocolate buttons.  I couldn't help it!!  They were bugging and bugging and I stuck my greedy hand in the packet and ate them.  You know what, I never even enjoyed it.  Karma is a bitch!! I really wanted to savour, but because I was being sneaky about it, I never enjoyed them at all.  So I am human.  This is exactly why I am on my journey to stop this consistent cycle of lose, eat, gain, repeat.

Oh well so yeah, that's where I am at at the moment.  The bunny food is doing it for me, however I discovered I really don't like the florette mixed salad bag and much prefer the tesco or Asda one.  I think I will pay a visit to Morrisons when I run out.  I know look at me looking at all the different options of lettuce.  My life is so full of exciting new things hahahahaha!!!

Other than my insane guilt, which will pass. I have been feeling ok.  I have been keeping myself busy, yes with the jigsaw puzzle, another exciting part of my life.  I feel much better, I noticed today when I finished work that I wasn't rocking side to side as I walked and was walking quite normally.  Well normally for me.  I have also noticed that my boobers are fitting nicely into my bra and I am not fighting to get them in.

I just have to keep positive.  I have done well. This is me being human.  I am allowed to make mistakes.  I can get back on track.  Tomorrow is another day.

Have a great week friends xx

Day I've Lost count..

Good Morning Friends - I hope you are well?  I am extremely well.

Week 3 was a total melt down of emotion for me and I did battle though it.  I did!!  Yes it was hard and yes I was at my end but I battled on.  How I did it was all in the mindset.  I know that if I don't lose the weight there is a higher chance of me not being the best I can be.  How is this different from your average diet?  For me I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Usually around the time in my average diet I would start to fail.  I would start nibbling bits and bobs, picking at this and that, eating and thinking oh that wont hurt, and basically sabotaging myself.  With the amount of weight I have to lose ( around 12 stone) it feels as there is no end to your journey.  Motivational meetings are designed for the moment.  When you are alone with yourself the demons start talking.  This time round there is a purpose.  Do I get a little angsty about why I couldn't do this before?  I'm questioning all the time.  I know in my heart that I can't do this long term.  I would fail, at any event, celebration or even when a fancy takes me over.  I would binge as I always do, I would justify the food I was eating.

I must say this is the biggest challenge I have ever faced.  As my surgery date hurtles faster towards me (10 Days) I am becoming more and more busy.  I have found myself projects that can keep me occupied.  I'm starting a new course on mental health.  I am also sinking my teeth into a larger project to do with the residents in the block I live in.  I'm quite excited for both.  Before and after surgery I will be busy mentally.  I think that's good for me to be occupied.  I have six weeks off work so I can't get bored really lol.

Anyway this week I have lost 6lb bringing me to a grand total of 17lbs.  That's loads.  I am feeling it on my tummy.  Of course no one else notices because I am still wearing figure hiding clothes.  I'm updating facts and figures so check out my chart.

Be well friends xx

LSD Day 15

Hello my friends.  What an amazing two days I have had.  I am not struggling at all and not feeling sick.  YIPEEE!!!  My mouth is so much better - and I dont have that milky feeling.  I am enjoying this so much more than the Milk Diet.  Dont get e rong it actually did me a favour to cleanse my palette.

So what am I eating?  Let me tell you..

Breakfast - A yogurt from my allowance.

Snack - none

Lunch -  100g lettuce - 100g tomato - 2 boiled eggs - 43g pasta - Sugar free jelly

Snack sugar free jelly

Dinner- 56g new potatoes - cabbage & sprouts (yeah it will be windy pops) chicken ( I can't remember the grams

Snack - sugar free jelly with 89g pineapple.

After the Milk Diet, I feel like I am always eating and also I feel myself getting fuller quicker.

I have exactly 14 days today.  The time is flying by.  Tomorrow is 13 days.  I can remember in March trying to find the best consultant for me. And now I am saying oh 13 days to go?.  They are going to go so fast because I am so busy at work.  woooooooo the end of year stuff..

See you on the flip side xxx

.....another 3 lbs

Hello friends, I hope you are all doing really well.  I'm still banging on about my tooth again lack of and it is really getting me down in the dumps.  So let's NOT go over that.  Instead lets do something fun like talk about the journey.

Last week I had a shock jumping on the scales and losing 8 lb wooooo.  This week I jumped on the scales and another 3 lb has gone.  That is 11 lb in all.  That's a massive 3% of my body weight, that is amazing for me.

What have I been doing.  I am still on the Liver Shrinking Diet which I must admit over the last few days I have been struggling.  But I am remembering what my Patient Consultant Rachel told me.  

"This is going to be the most torturous thing you will ever have to do in your life".  

I'm not feeling tortured as of yet but I am not that far away.  I have a little over 2 weeks to go, so in 3 days I will be over the hump, halfway through getting to the light side.

People have asked me how I am feeling, and I can't really give an honest answer because I don't know if it's the tooth extraction or the LSD.  I do know I am losing the weight and I am hoping to have lost at least a stone in the next 2 weeks, which will be another 3 lbs. Although I haven't shed bucket loads I can feel a difference.  My tummy definitely feels a lot tighter.  I have a bit more energy.  I think that is on account of having ZERO sugar.

I've updated my Facts & Figures which is really pleasing to the eye.  I've lost not only 11 lbs but also 3.5 inches.  I know, I know.   This is the stage in a normal diet where I think I am at goal and start eating again.  This time my determination is towering over the need to eat.  Don't get me wrong, it is not easy.  The fam were eating spag bol and I wanted to dive into it and relish in the flavours.  Alas, I had a glass of milk (taken from my 1800 ml allowance) and a sugar free jelly.  I am actually loving the jelly because they are keep my mouth nice, cool and refreshed.  The breath isn't so bad albeit in the morning I could strip paint.  

I've bought a jigsaw puzzle to keep me distracted in the evening and its working so far.  Though again on saying that I really haven't been toooooooooooooo distracted.  It will be nice to eat.  

Enjoy the rest of your weekend xx

LSD Day 9

It feels like a lifetime since I have been on the LSD.  I don't find myself wavering yet.  I think this is because of my tooth and I went to the dentist today only to find out I have dry socket.  The dentist packed it and the packing fell out leaving me all swollen and throbbing.  I am totally sick of it to be honest.

On a positive note - it is actually taking my mind off of the LSD..  I am trying to find the positive always and this is it.  I am hoping that it heals somewhat before my surgery in 3 weeks.  Worrying much?  Oh yeah!  My anxiety levels are going through the roof and I am struggling to keep Mr D away.

Lets hope that tomorrow when I go to the dentist they can do something.  I will sit there until they do lol!!

Keep happy friends x

LSD Day 8

Well this is boring!!! There is not much I can tell you about today really.  I'm still weeing for the olympics and I am gonna win a gold medal.  I haven't felt queasy today either.

Tooth(less) is better today so lets hope things are looking up.

I dunno about you but were you ever paranoid about getting sick?  I am totally!!  I am turning into a hypochondriac.  I mean the weather has been evil, so it could all be heat related this morning I woke up with a sore throat and I was like ooooohhhh nooooooooo..  Anyhooo it wore off throughout the day.  MEH!!! Maybe I am just paranoid.

Listen to this though 2 weeks and 6 days.. OMG!! it's coming up really fast.  I am still plugging away with the milk so no probs there.  I'm feeling better each day but not my old self.  Mentally I am feeling really good about myself though.  I am feeling determined and that my friends has never been me ever...

So my mindset has changed for the better and I am feeling more positive.  Maybe because I feel like there is a light in my tunnel.

Sweet Dreams Friends xxx

LSD Day 7

Crikey wasn't it hot today!!!  When I got in my car to come home around 4pm it was 36 degrees then..  WOOO!  Where my office is in kind of a green house.  My goodness I was drinking and drinking.  Not weeing mind.

I am fed up to the back teeth (no pun intended) of this toothless pain.  Although my gum is nice and pink it is still a little swollen and also the pain has traveled to my ear..  I think with that at feeling stupidly hot today it's no wonder I feel like crap.   I woke up this morning with a sore throat, and now I have a heavy head.   The taste in my mouth is disgusting.  I don't know if I am coming down with something or if it's to do with the extraction or is it the LSD, I'm a little confused.

But you know I want to be positive about this experience and I have not swayed at all from the milk. Today I came in from work and my boyo was making toast - I just wanted to eat it..  I don't know but my smelling senses are heightened.  I could smell the neighbours making salad hahahahaha!!

Seriously though I am hoping this stage passes soon.

LSD Day 6

ooo oooo oooo disco infernoooooo.  Wasn't it hawwwwwwt today?  OH MY Goodness I did think I was going to melt in to a puddle.  No such luck lol!!

So today's news.  I went to my cousins for a lil celebration and she did burgers and sausages a wonderful spread, you know alfresco...  I do not know how I did get through but I did.  I love burgers and sausages.  I really wanted one or two and all the buffet and cake.  NOT a morsel went past these lips.  I think that was the hardest challenge I had this week..  PAT PAT on the back..

Still in pain with the mouth - more like a huge mouth ulcer now - so not too bad..

Hello Darlings

Bariatric Goodies

LSD Day 5

Happy Saturday everyone.  Wow!! It's hot here in the UK today.  I think I might take my bum down to the beach, read a book or just chill.  Anyhoo!!  I just wanted to tell my news.. I have been on the LSD since Tuesday.   Sunday is my normal weigh in day but I couldn't wait a moment longer.  I know, impatient, Right! I weighed in today 8lbs lighter. I am in shock absolute shock. I had to jump on and off a few times. My BMI has gone from 55 to 54.4. How Amazing is that??  

I am not struggling at the moment, however I do think that is more due to the tooth extraction. The pain and queasy feeling is still there.  Admittedly not as bad.  I think my body has hit hit ketosis stage and my breath is toxic, which I did say about yesterday. 

It's given me a boost to continue. I've also invested in some refillable ice pop molds so I am going to be making those with no added sugar drinkypoo's.  Mainly to keep this breath under control.  Oh Dear!! It's no wonder I am single even the dog turned her nose up at me this morning... HAHAHAHA!!

Be Well one and all xxx

Day 4 LSD

Good Grief, they said that day 4 is tricky.  Today I have felt a lot better with my tooth extraction, it is not as swollen as it has been over the last few days.  The pain is subsiding and so I have not been taking so many pain killers.  I still feel a little queasy but nothing like it was before.  There is a brill thing!!!

So what kind of symptoms am I having?  Today I felt tired around about 3pm. which is quite normal for me.  I have had a few light headed moments but nothing to bad.  I have found myself looking for the right word, which is normal seen as I can forget what I am saying mid sentence lol!!!  The breath of death has come.  That come through the night, I woke up twice for the toilet and both times I had to clean my teeth before I gassed myself.    It's toxic, and I have a terrible taste in my mouth.  I've been chewing gum like a cow to keep my mouth fresh.  I'm now on a full milk diet and it's much better for me.  I can stomach the milk and yogurt with out dry heaving.  I am still peeing like a leaky hose, well you would be wouldn't you when drinking 1800ml milk + the 2ltrs of no added sugar squash.  The yogurt and jelly are also helping out with the water works.  I am hoping it does slow down.  Today I had to leave a class and go to the toilet before there was an accident.  Lucky that the loo was right next door.  However, despite the tinkling I do feel bloated.

I am finding that the WLS forum is really helping me and also the Bariatric Cookery site.  It is going so fast I can remember saying in march July is ages away and now I am like oooooo 3 and a bit weeks.  It's getting closer and obviously I am getting jittery.  I think any surgery would make you jittery.  Although this has been recommended by the specialists it was still my decision ant the end of the day.  I referred my self privately.  I know that in 4 weeks time it will be all over and all the nerves will have gone and I will find my self something else to worry about.

Over and out xx

Day 3 LSD

Yep so I am officially wearing a toilet on my bum.  My goodness I don't think I have ever tinkled so much in my entire life.

If you have been on diets like me millions of times over, you find that you tinkle for a day or so then it eases off but NOPE...  I am a tap, tinkle, tinkle.  But its all good.

Day 3 is going well.  Funny I am feeling thirsty?  I am still feeling slightly queasy but nothing like it was.  I really thought that if this was how its going to be then I don't wanna be no part of this LOL!!..  I think though the that having the tooth out is not helping me at all.  On a good note I am not experiencing, lack of energy nor headaches.  So The vitamins might be kicking in.

I decided to move my LSD slightly from the shakes (which were making me feel worse) to Milk.  I am having 1800ml of Skimmed Milk, 2 weight watchers yogurts and when my mouth is in a need of refreshing, I am having sugar free jelly.

They say day 4 is the worst.  So if I can get over the hump I will be ok.  It's not as hard as what I thought, but then my mind is set, to do well.  I am determined to turn my life upside down and inside out.

Peace out xxx

Day 2 LSD

OH EM GEEE!!! I'm gonna puke.  So yesterday I was feeling queasy allllll day.  it started to subside around about 9 pm last night.  I got up today feeling a little queasy but nothing like yesterday.  I thought yesterday I only managed 2 shakes because of the quease, so I am going to have the tesco shakes.  OH!!! It's vile, friends.  I mean, I taste everything in there.  Even though I whizzed it up in the blender, it still states very powdery.  I can also taste the stinking vitamins too.  CRIKEY!!!  I put the ice in after as I didn't want a thick shake yet far I have managed a few mouthfuls.  It's leaving a very chemically taste in my mouth.  Like an artificial sweetener taste.  I tend not to have the artificial sweetener for that very reason, the after taste.  Anyhooo, I will try the strawberry flavour later and I will get through this.  I think I will be sticking to the Asda's meal replacements.  They actually do taste nice.  I tried both the strawberry and vanilla and I thought I might even try the chocolate.

See you on the flip side ..

Day One LSD

What a pa larva...  My day one on the LSD has been as easy as pie.  WHY!!! Well I shall tell you, you knew I would!!

A few months ago my golden crown of 20 years finally gave up the ghost and fell out..  Underneath all the gold was a rotten old tooth.  So I called them up and got an appointment yesterday (12 June).

"Oh" she said.  "That really is bad, I'm sorry I can't save it."

Well before I knew it, I was all numb and there she was trying to hack my tooth out of my head.  She packed it and said only soup..  I was gasping at this point as mum had prepared a fabulous last meal as I was starting the LSD today.  I came home and all I could smell was roast chicken. NOM NOM!!  I couldn't help it, while my face was still numb, I chewed on one side and enjoyed that last meal.

Of course once the numbing started to wear off the pain started to set in.  I went to bed and slept all night.  When I woke up this morning my face was like I have a basketball in my cheek.  But hey who cares I'm on liquids.  UMMMM Wrong!!  Not only did I wake up looking like a stuffed hamster, the pain is ridiculous and I am feeling very queasy.  I did manage to get 2 shakes down me and some jelly, which has refreshed my mouth.  I'm drinking.

Over the last hour I've started to feel heavy headed, which I understand is normal.  I think the sicky feeling is due to the tooth.  Where is the positive in this little saga.  Well I've been so focused on the pain of my tooth or lack of tooth, that I'm not really caring about the eating at the moment.  I am going to try and get back to work tomorrow depending on the pain.

I am using the Asda meal replacement shakes.  I can have three a day (although I only managed 2 today) I can also have unlimited sugar free or no added sugar jelly and juice.  I have also got some sugar free ice pops just to freshen up my mouth.  So the flavours I have are strawberry and Vanilla, I might try the chocolate.  I made it up with 250ml milk and I topped it up with ice.  Now the ice does 2 things.  The ice thickens it up and makes it more like a McDonalds milkshake consistancy which is nicer for me YUM YUM and also it keeps it icey cold for longer.

I also bought one of these for ease.  It's amazing!!!!

The Breville Personal Blender, came with 3 bottles and I only paid £19.90.  There was a promotional offer on it so I did get one bottle free.   How I make up my shake is to, put the skimmed milk in first - The goes in the powder - And finally the ice.  Blitz, blitz, blizity, blitz and it all comes together and that's it.  Rinse the blades.  Much better than a normal blender, smaller just for smoothies and shakes.  Yep a thumbs up from me.

See you on the flip side.