Yeah I know right!!

Hello my lovelies. I hope you are all doing well.  I so need to do a vlog to show you how I am doing.  But for now let me tell you how I am feeling and what has happened since the last time we spoke.  

Weight Loss I have lost in total 52lbs.  That is amazing!! I am shocked.  I've never lost that much in my life.  Ive gone down almost 3 dress sizes.  I'm starting to feel positive and confident.  It's the small things, like I'm starting not to feel like the jolly green giant.  When I say that when I was 52lbs heavier I would always feel awkward and in the way.  I'm glad to say I am feeling less like that.  

Last Sunday I went to my cousins and had a delish Sunday roast.  I ate slowly and carefully as I am paranoid about being sick or dumping.  It went down nicely and stayed down.  I was worried about eating in front of everyone, but they were super supportive and ignored me.  we did have a joke, my cousin saying "there ya go you greedy bitch"! Charming.

I've been cooking every day and trying new recipes, which hopefully I will share with you once I get myself organised.  I'm a little all over the place at the moment.  

I've joined the gym - Yeah I know right!!  But I also know that if I don't exercise my wobbly bits will wobble even more.  I still have 11 stone to lose so I can start toning the bits underneath.

I'm really liking myself at the moment.  I like the way, my mind is thinking and it's so happy.  I'm far from cured as WLS is not a cure but I am aware of food.  It's a different feeling from dieting and failing.  I am not dieting anymore which is really weird.  I am eating healthy and trying to make things from scratch so I can control fat intake.  I still don't fancy anything sweet and chocolaty.  As I typed that I literally turned up my nose hahahahhaa.

Overall The decision to have WLS was the best thing.  6 weeks ago I was getting ready to go in and now look at me all done and dusted and on my everlasting journey.

What I actually took with me

I was very frugal with what I took the reason being like always I overpack and never really need half of it.  So here is my break down for 3 nights

Toiletries

Toothbrush & toothpaste

Shampoo 2 in 1

Soap bar 

Flannel - not needed THG supplied

Deodorant

Clothing

Soft Bra x 3 

Knickers x 4

Pyjama's x 3 (I wore the shortie ones and just really had the top on)

Dressing gown (Wore around the hospital when I was getting moving and outside)

Slippers

Maxi - Dress to go home in

Cardigan

Medication

Vitamins & Minerals

Anti Acid

Anti Anxiety/Depression meds

Extra's

A fan

Ipad/charger/headphones

Phone/Charger

That is it my friends..  Simply because I did not want to over do it and I knew I really wouldnt care what I looked like once I had the surgery. This fitted in a beach bag.  So it was easy to carry.

Hope this helps

The Flip Side

Dear friends it is so good seeing you again.  Even though I am probably talking to myself, it all good.  I am not doing this blog for anyone but me.  Getting my thoughts and feelings out there.

So Dearies where did we leave off.  I think I was just about to go to the hospital..

11th July 2017 Mum and I travelled to Solihull.  It is quite a nice place there.  Our Driver Pete got us to Spire Parkways in perfect time for my pre op assessment.  I was nervous but yet happy.  I had my support group there on whatsapp and also my mum with me.  I don't think I could have got through it without her and them.  They were the ones who have been rallying round, making me laugh when things were getting tricky..

At the pre op the nurse checked, my heart, blood, weight, blood pressure and oxygen levels.  She was quite amazed how healthy I am.  I was really proud.  So my final pre of weigh in was 23lbs..  Yeah almost 2 stone.  I never thought I would even get to that much.

They were so nice.  Everyone was so welcoming and comforting.  I never felt rushed at all, no wonder I was so calm.

Mum and I went off to our hotel who again were very welcoming friendly and kind.  We were starving by this point.  I was feeling a little queasy all day, pre - op nerves.  So I really wanted a burger but I was clever, I had steak which was protein, mushrooms and tomato for my veg and carbs I had a few chips.  I never ate any desert which was a miracle..  I was really pleased with myself that I never had a blow out.

Anyway I was told that my operation was put back to around 4pm EEEEEKKKKKK!!! and to be in for 3pm.  I could have breakfast around 8 - 9am but nothing after 12.   As you can imagine the day of my surgery I was not good, my tummy was playing the fandango...  Mum and I decided to go and get some breakfast and then go for a walk.  That wasn't to happen.  The Hospital called and wanted me in straight away.  I went in to panic mode.  Lucky I didn't actually eat breakfast cos my nerves would not allow it.

So I get to the hospital when Mr Vijaar came and saw me.  He explained that Mr Richardson was running late and if I wanted he would do my surgery.  There I go another panic mode.  I thought on the spot and agreed.  We went through all the paperwork and low and behold my Angel Dr Richardson came swooping in like superman without the cape.  Before I knew it I was prepared for surgery ..........

Friends do forgive me if I am taking my time to catch you up.  I am all thinger and fumbs and the moment..

Tomorrow

Hello friends.

So tomorrow is my surgery.  Today I am travelling to Midlands with mum - Having the pre op etc.  How am I feeling.  Well.....................  It's all good..   I did a final weigh in lost another 3lbs.  I really wish it was this easy.  Unfortunately it's really not!!  I know if the surgery was not at the end of the tunnel, I would have caved weeks ago.

Hasn't it gone fast.  I mean really fast!! 4 weeks ago I was taking my first gulp of milk.  I still cant stomach the protein shakes.  Anyhooo I will update you when I am back with a long old story xx

So I will see you on the flip side..

Not many days to go

OHHHHHHHH!! I am wibbly at the moment.  But lucky for me I have so much to do..  Which is good.  It's keeping me super busy and I love it..

Almost 4 weeks in and I've lost a grand total of 20lbs.  Not bad I thought I might only lose around 10lbs.  So bonus all the way.  I've felt a little bit techy of late and this stage of my jur - hur- knee I am near breaking point.  However, saying that I am really pleased with myself.  Yesterday there was a B-B-Q at work, everything you can imagine, big fat cream cakes <insert drooling here>  Guess what I did?   I just turned my back and waddled down to my office, where I proceeded to open the fridge take out my lettuce, tomato and chicken salad, with no dressings and wept softly as I munched away..  HAHAHA!  But you know what, I benefited from all of that by the weight loss.

But seriously my mindset has really changed.  Before I would eat with my emotions now I feel like I have hope.  I still need to work on chewing slowly and hope that come in stages.  So another week in and completed.  I am really proud of myself.

I did my Facts & Figures today also - There is no noticeable signs in the picture but everything else has reduced.

See you later alligators xx

8 Days to go

OH friends!! What have I done????

I had some chocolate buttons.  I couldn't help it!!  They were bugging and bugging and I stuck my greedy hand in the packet and ate them.  You know what, I never even enjoyed it.  Karma is a bitch!! I really wanted to savour, but because I was being sneaky about it, I never enjoyed them at all.  So I am human.  This is exactly why I am on my journey to stop this consistent cycle of lose, eat, gain, repeat.

Oh well so yeah, that's where I am at at the moment.  The bunny food is doing it for me, however I discovered I really don't like the florette mixed salad bag and much prefer the tesco or Asda one.  I think I will pay a visit to Morrisons when I run out.  I know look at me looking at all the different options of lettuce.  My life is so full of exciting new things hahahahaha!!!

Other than my insane guilt, which will pass. I have been feeling ok.  I have been keeping myself busy, yes with the jigsaw puzzle, another exciting part of my life.  I feel much better, I noticed today when I finished work that I wasn't rocking side to side as I walked and was walking quite normally.  Well normally for me.  I have also noticed that my boobers are fitting nicely into my bra and I am not fighting to get them in.

I just have to keep positive.  I have done well. This is me being human.  I am allowed to make mistakes.  I can get back on track.  Tomorrow is another day.

Have a great week friends xx

Day I've Lost count..

Good Morning Friends - I hope you are well?  I am extremely well.

Week 3 was a total melt down of emotion for me and I did battle though it.  I did!!  Yes it was hard and yes I was at my end but I battled on.  How I did it was all in the mindset.  I know that if I don't lose the weight there is a higher chance of me not being the best I can be.  How is this different from your average diet?  For me I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Usually around the time in my average diet I would start to fail.  I would start nibbling bits and bobs, picking at this and that, eating and thinking oh that wont hurt, and basically sabotaging myself.  With the amount of weight I have to lose ( around 12 stone) it feels as there is no end to your journey.  Motivational meetings are designed for the moment.  When you are alone with yourself the demons start talking.  This time round there is a purpose.  Do I get a little angsty about why I couldn't do this before?  I'm questioning all the time.  I know in my heart that I can't do this long term.  I would fail, at any event, celebration or even when a fancy takes me over.  I would binge as I always do, I would justify the food I was eating.

I must say this is the biggest challenge I have ever faced.  As my surgery date hurtles faster towards me (10 Days) I am becoming more and more busy.  I have found myself projects that can keep me occupied.  I'm starting a new course on mental health.  I am also sinking my teeth into a larger project to do with the residents in the block I live in.  I'm quite excited for both.  Before and after surgery I will be busy mentally.  I think that's good for me to be occupied.  I have six weeks off work so I can't get bored really lol.

Anyway this week I have lost 6lb bringing me to a grand total of 17lbs.  That's loads.  I am feeling it on my tummy.  Of course no one else notices because I am still wearing figure hiding clothes.  I'm updating facts and figures so check out my chart.

Be well friends xx

LSD Day 15

Hello my friends.  What an amazing two days I have had.  I am not struggling at all and not feeling sick.  YIPEEE!!!  My mouth is so much better - and I dont have that milky feeling.  I am enjoying this so much more than the Milk Diet.  Dont get e rong it actually did me a favour to cleanse my palette.

So what am I eating?  Let me tell you..

Breakfast - A yogurt from my allowance.

Snack - none

Lunch -  100g lettuce - 100g tomato - 2 boiled eggs - 43g pasta - Sugar free jelly

Snack sugar free jelly

Dinner- 56g new potatoes - cabbage & sprouts (yeah it will be windy pops) chicken ( I can't remember the grams

Snack - sugar free jelly with 89g pineapple.

After the Milk Diet, I feel like I am always eating and also I feel myself getting fuller quicker.

I have exactly 14 days today.  The time is flying by.  Tomorrow is 13 days.  I can remember in March trying to find the best consultant for me. And now I am saying oh 13 days to go?.  They are going to go so fast because I am so busy at work.  woooooooo the end of year stuff..

See you on the flip side xxx

.....another 3 lbs

Hello friends, I hope you are all doing really well.  I'm still banging on about my tooth again lack of and it is really getting me down in the dumps.  So let's NOT go over that.  Instead lets do something fun like talk about the journey.

Last week I had a shock jumping on the scales and losing 8 lb wooooo.  This week I jumped on the scales and another 3 lb has gone.  That is 11 lb in all.  That's a massive 3% of my body weight, that is amazing for me.

What have I been doing.  I am still on the Liver Shrinking Diet which I must admit over the last few days I have been struggling.  But I am remembering what my Patient Consultant Rachel told me.  

"This is going to be the most torturous thing you will ever have to do in your life".  

I'm not feeling tortured as of yet but I am not that far away.  I have a little over 2 weeks to go, so in 3 days I will be over the hump, halfway through getting to the light side.

People have asked me how I am feeling, and I can't really give an honest answer because I don't know if it's the tooth extraction or the LSD.  I do know I am losing the weight and I am hoping to have lost at least a stone in the next 2 weeks, which will be another 3 lbs. Although I haven't shed bucket loads I can feel a difference.  My tummy definitely feels a lot tighter.  I have a bit more energy.  I think that is on account of having ZERO sugar.

I've updated my Facts & Figures which is really pleasing to the eye.  I've lost not only 11 lbs but also 3.5 inches.  I know, I know.   This is the stage in a normal diet where I think I am at goal and start eating again.  This time my determination is towering over the need to eat.  Don't get me wrong, it is not easy.  The fam were eating spag bol and I wanted to dive into it and relish in the flavours.  Alas, I had a glass of milk (taken from my 1800 ml allowance) and a sugar free jelly.  I am actually loving the jelly because they are keep my mouth nice, cool and refreshed.  The breath isn't so bad albeit in the morning I could strip paint.  

I've bought a jigsaw puzzle to keep me distracted in the evening and its working so far.  Though again on saying that I really haven't been toooooooooooooo distracted.  It will be nice to eat.  

Enjoy the rest of your weekend xx

LSD Day 9

It feels like a lifetime since I have been on the LSD.  I don't find myself wavering yet.  I think this is because of my tooth and I went to the dentist today only to find out I have dry socket.  The dentist packed it and the packing fell out leaving me all swollen and throbbing.  I am totally sick of it to be honest.

On a positive note - it is actually taking my mind off of the LSD..  I am trying to find the positive always and this is it.  I am hoping that it heals somewhat before my surgery in 3 weeks.  Worrying much?  Oh yeah!  My anxiety levels are going through the roof and I am struggling to keep Mr D away.

Lets hope that tomorrow when I go to the dentist they can do something.  I will sit there until they do lol!!

Keep happy friends x

LSD Day 8

Well this is boring!!! There is not much I can tell you about today really.  I'm still weeing for the olympics and I am gonna win a gold medal.  I haven't felt queasy today either.

Tooth(less) is better today so lets hope things are looking up.

I dunno about you but were you ever paranoid about getting sick?  I am totally!!  I am turning into a hypochondriac.  I mean the weather has been evil, so it could all be heat related this morning I woke up with a sore throat and I was like ooooohhhh nooooooooo..  Anyhooo it wore off throughout the day.  MEH!!! Maybe I am just paranoid.

Listen to this though 2 weeks and 6 days.. OMG!! it's coming up really fast.  I am still plugging away with the milk so no probs there.  I'm feeling better each day but not my old self.  Mentally I am feeling really good about myself though.  I am feeling determined and that my friends has never been me ever...

So my mindset has changed for the better and I am feeling more positive.  Maybe because I feel like there is a light in my tunnel.

Sweet Dreams Friends xxx

LSD Day 7

Crikey wasn't it hot today!!!  When I got in my car to come home around 4pm it was 36 degrees then..  WOOO!  Where my office is in kind of a green house.  My goodness I was drinking and drinking.  Not weeing mind.

I am fed up to the back teeth (no pun intended) of this toothless pain.  Although my gum is nice and pink it is still a little swollen and also the pain has traveled to my ear..  I think with that at feeling stupidly hot today it's no wonder I feel like crap.   I woke up this morning with a sore throat, and now I have a heavy head.   The taste in my mouth is disgusting.  I don't know if I am coming down with something or if it's to do with the extraction or is it the LSD, I'm a little confused.

But you know I want to be positive about this experience and I have not swayed at all from the milk. Today I came in from work and my boyo was making toast - I just wanted to eat it..  I don't know but my smelling senses are heightened.  I could smell the neighbours making salad hahahahaha!!

Seriously though I am hoping this stage passes soon.

LSD Day 6

ooo oooo oooo disco infernoooooo.  Wasn't it hawwwwwwt today?  OH MY Goodness I did think I was going to melt in to a puddle.  No such luck lol!!

So today's news.  I went to my cousins for a lil celebration and she did burgers and sausages a wonderful spread, you know alfresco...  I do not know how I did get through but I did.  I love burgers and sausages.  I really wanted one or two and all the buffet and cake.  NOT a morsel went past these lips.  I think that was the hardest challenge I had this week..  PAT PAT on the back..

Still in pain with the mouth - more like a huge mouth ulcer now - so not too bad..

Hello Darlings

Bariatric Goodies

LSD Day 5

Happy Saturday everyone.  Wow!! It's hot here in the UK today.  I think I might take my bum down to the beach, read a book or just chill.  Anyhoo!!  I just wanted to tell my news.. I have been on the LSD since Tuesday.   Sunday is my normal weigh in day but I couldn't wait a moment longer.  I know, impatient, Right! I weighed in today 8lbs lighter. I am in shock absolute shock. I had to jump on and off a few times. My BMI has gone from 55 to 54.4. How Amazing is that??  

I am not struggling at the moment, however I do think that is more due to the tooth extraction. The pain and queasy feeling is still there.  Admittedly not as bad.  I think my body has hit hit ketosis stage and my breath is toxic, which I did say about yesterday. 

It's given me a boost to continue. I've also invested in some refillable ice pop molds so I am going to be making those with no added sugar drinkypoo's.  Mainly to keep this breath under control.  Oh Dear!! It's no wonder I am single even the dog turned her nose up at me this morning... HAHAHAHA!!

Be Well one and all xxx

Day 4 LSD

Good Grief, they said that day 4 is tricky.  Today I have felt a lot better with my tooth extraction, it is not as swollen as it has been over the last few days.  The pain is subsiding and so I have not been taking so many pain killers.  I still feel a little queasy but nothing like it was before.  There is a brill thing!!!

So what kind of symptoms am I having?  Today I felt tired around about 3pm. which is quite normal for me.  I have had a few light headed moments but nothing to bad.  I have found myself looking for the right word, which is normal seen as I can forget what I am saying mid sentence lol!!!  The breath of death has come.  That come through the night, I woke up twice for the toilet and both times I had to clean my teeth before I gassed myself.    It's toxic, and I have a terrible taste in my mouth.  I've been chewing gum like a cow to keep my mouth fresh.  I'm now on a full milk diet and it's much better for me.  I can stomach the milk and yogurt with out dry heaving.  I am still peeing like a leaky hose, well you would be wouldn't you when drinking 1800ml milk + the 2ltrs of no added sugar squash.  The yogurt and jelly are also helping out with the water works.  I am hoping it does slow down.  Today I had to leave a class and go to the toilet before there was an accident.  Lucky that the loo was right next door.  However, despite the tinkling I do feel bloated.

I am finding that the WLS forum is really helping me and also the Bariatric Cookery site.  It is going so fast I can remember saying in march July is ages away and now I am like oooooo 3 and a bit weeks.  It's getting closer and obviously I am getting jittery.  I think any surgery would make you jittery.  Although this has been recommended by the specialists it was still my decision ant the end of the day.  I referred my self privately.  I know that in 4 weeks time it will be all over and all the nerves will have gone and I will find my self something else to worry about.

Over and out xx

Day 3 LSD

Yep so I am officially wearing a toilet on my bum.  My goodness I don't think I have ever tinkled so much in my entire life.

If you have been on diets like me millions of times over, you find that you tinkle for a day or so then it eases off but NOPE...  I am a tap, tinkle, tinkle.  But its all good.

Day 3 is going well.  Funny I am feeling thirsty?  I am still feeling slightly queasy but nothing like it was.  I really thought that if this was how its going to be then I don't wanna be no part of this LOL!!..  I think though the that having the tooth out is not helping me at all.  On a good note I am not experiencing, lack of energy nor headaches.  So The vitamins might be kicking in.

I decided to move my LSD slightly from the shakes (which were making me feel worse) to Milk.  I am having 1800ml of Skimmed Milk, 2 weight watchers yogurts and when my mouth is in a need of refreshing, I am having sugar free jelly.

They say day 4 is the worst.  So if I can get over the hump I will be ok.  It's not as hard as what I thought, but then my mind is set, to do well.  I am determined to turn my life upside down and inside out.

Peace out xxx

Day 2 LSD

OH EM GEEE!!! I'm gonna puke.  So yesterday I was feeling queasy allllll day.  it started to subside around about 9 pm last night.  I got up today feeling a little queasy but nothing like yesterday.  I thought yesterday I only managed 2 shakes because of the quease, so I am going to have the tesco shakes.  OH!!! It's vile, friends.  I mean, I taste everything in there.  Even though I whizzed it up in the blender, it still states very powdery.  I can also taste the stinking vitamins too.  CRIKEY!!!  I put the ice in after as I didn't want a thick shake yet far I have managed a few mouthfuls.  It's leaving a very chemically taste in my mouth.  Like an artificial sweetener taste.  I tend not to have the artificial sweetener for that very reason, the after taste.  Anyhooo, I will try the strawberry flavour later and I will get through this.  I think I will be sticking to the Asda's meal replacements.  They actually do taste nice.  I tried both the strawberry and vanilla and I thought I might even try the chocolate.

See you on the flip side ..

Day One LSD

What a pa larva...  My day one on the LSD has been as easy as pie.  WHY!!! Well I shall tell you, you knew I would!!

A few months ago my golden crown of 20 years finally gave up the ghost and fell out..  Underneath all the gold was a rotten old tooth.  So I called them up and got an appointment yesterday (12 June).

"Oh" she said.  "That really is bad, I'm sorry I can't save it."

Well before I knew it, I was all numb and there she was trying to hack my tooth out of my head.  She packed it and said only soup..  I was gasping at this point as mum had prepared a fabulous last meal as I was starting the LSD today.  I came home and all I could smell was roast chicken. NOM NOM!!  I couldn't help it, while my face was still numb, I chewed on one side and enjoyed that last meal.

Of course once the numbing started to wear off the pain started to set in.  I went to bed and slept all night.  When I woke up this morning my face was like I have a basketball in my cheek.  But hey who cares I'm on liquids.  UMMMM Wrong!!  Not only did I wake up looking like a stuffed hamster, the pain is ridiculous and I am feeling very queasy.  I did manage to get 2 shakes down me and some jelly, which has refreshed my mouth.  I'm drinking.

Over the last hour I've started to feel heavy headed, which I understand is normal.  I think the sicky feeling is due to the tooth.  Where is the positive in this little saga.  Well I've been so focused on the pain of my tooth or lack of tooth, that I'm not really caring about the eating at the moment.  I am going to try and get back to work tomorrow depending on the pain.

I am using the Asda meal replacement shakes.  I can have three a day (although I only managed 2 today) I can also have unlimited sugar free or no added sugar jelly and juice.  I have also got some sugar free ice pops just to freshen up my mouth.  So the flavours I have are strawberry and Vanilla, I might try the chocolate.  I made it up with 250ml milk and I topped it up with ice.  Now the ice does 2 things.  The ice thickens it up and makes it more like a McDonalds milkshake consistancy which is nicer for me YUM YUM and also it keeps it icey cold for longer.

I also bought one of these for ease.  It's amazing!!!!

The Breville Personal Blender, came with 3 bottles and I only paid £19.90.  There was a promotional offer on it so I did get one bottle free.   How I make up my shake is to, put the skimmed milk in first - The goes in the powder - And finally the ice.  Blitz, blitz, blizity, blitz and it all comes together and that's it.  Rinse the blades.  Much better than a normal blender, smaller just for smoothies and shakes.  Yep a thumbs up from me.

See you on the flip side.

My Procedure

Hello friends.

Today I uploaded my very first vlog over at youtube.  My Channel is called errrr Bunny Food & Bird Seed.  I will be adding a link in the side bar for my channel so that you can keep up to date with my goings on.  As with the blog I usually will post over the weekends.

I'm going to share which kind of Bariatric Surgery I am having and hopefully be able to add a little video in to explain.

The name of the surgery is Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass.  This kind of bypass is commonly used for people who have a BMI of over 40.  Considering mine is 55, it was the most suited to me.  When I spoke to my surgeon, he did go over the different types of surgery.  Mr Richardson was very forthcoming yet not harsh enough to upset me.  He told me the truth about each of the suitable surgeries for me and how it would be effective and have a lasting impact.  We talked in length about having a Gastric Sleeve - in reality he said that I would probably end up having the bypass anyway.  After a lot of thought I finally come to terms with it.  Which was hard considering I was determined NOT to have a bypass.

 Now for those who are thinking that WLS is a big cheat or a cope out or being lazy.  This is absolutely not true.  It's a tool to help you get to a goal, the same as if I were to be having heart bypass.  It's a tool to help.  As I said in my vlog it's nothing to do with the overeating, there is more going on underneath it all.

As you can see it is definitely something that I never dived into as a quick fix.  It is a super serious operation.  I could die, I might not make it off the table.  I am telling you this so you can understand that like me and many other people who take this risk,   we are usually at the end of a road.  The seriousness of this operation is definitely something to think about before you get all excited and go off getting the surgery.  Mentally you have to be prepared for many, many changes not only to your body, but your eating habits.  There is no point in going for the WLS and still going to try and eat how you did, You will kill yourself.  It is all about getting your head around things.  Learning to embrace change and wanting that change.

There are lots of reasons for me; it's not having to do all them mind-numbing diets again.  Going off to pointless classes, wasting money on gimmicks and things that say 'watch the weight melt off'  for me it will be a lifestyle.  It's about me resetting my mind, almost like being reborn.  I want a positive relationship with food and I need to learn about myself.  Learning to still enjoy life but in smaller quantities, learning that I don't have to go with out in order to succeed.  Not having to feel guilt when I eat. I rarely enjoy meals or any food.  I think after years of abusing it, its now has become tasteless.  So there you have it.

I hope that this post has been a little inspiration to you.  Please if you are considering WLS then take the time to research and speak to as many people as you can.  Before making your decision as it is not reversible. 

See you on the flip side :)

LSD Here I Come....

Hello friends and happy Thursday Evening.  

Not Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and not the illicit hallucination drug.  But the Liver Shrinking Diet.  I begin next Tuesday which means I am only 4 and a bit weeks away. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!!!!! <insert scary music here>

The gorgeous George rang me today he is my dietitian well he is the manager dietitian calling me to assign me a regular dietitian who I will be in contact with over the next 2 years.

George was a really nice gentle person, with a clear understandable voice.  I know you are all gasping there about what the hell I am talking about, but I don't always understand very thick accents.  Anyhooo!!! I digress.  George was a really lovely young man who helped me to decide exactly which kind of LSD I should go on and explained why it's so important.    

The reason for the intense diet is so that your liver can shrink considerably so that your surgeon can get around inside your tummy easily, because your liver is out of the way or smaller.  Also another reason why it is good to do the LSD is so that you can reset some of those habits that have developed over the years.  The time length is dependant or your BMI and seen as mine is very high, I am on mine for 4 weeks.  I really understand what he was saying and he was very patient when I asked more than enough about milk - protein or milk and protein.

There were three options I can have

• The Protein Shakes & Yogurts
• The Milk & Yogurt 
• The low fat & carb diet

I decided to go with the shakes and milk diet.  Simply because I have not got to worry if I have over eaten or worry if I am not loosing weight.  I know that I will be doing the right thing.

He advised that the nearer I get to surgery the more liquid I should be consuming.  He advised that I should start taking vitamins and minerals now as long as they were A-Z.  He want's me to have the best head start.  We talked about the LSD and also which supplements I should be talking Post Op. 

I was very impressed with his call and he is calling me next week for a check in as I start my LSD next Tuesday.    He was very honest and bluntly said it will be absolute torture for a week or so and then it will become easier.   I mentioned that I wanted to reset everything as this will be a brand new me.    

Now I am excited to begin.  I've got my LSD all sorted............. Watch this space....  I am hoping it's not going to be too bad.

I received a box of goodies to help me out - I am going to vlog it over the weekend so watch out there too..  

See you on the flip side xx

Choosing My Package.

Hello friends.  I thought I would tell you about how I started on my journey to choose a surgeon and company to help me with my Weight Loss Surgery.

If any of you know me then you know I take for ever to make a choice and then once my mind is made up I commit.  The joys of being a Libra - looking at both sides always.

I knew I wanted to choose from three companies.  I did not want to delve in to who is cheaper than who.  What I searched for is who is going to care for me the most.  Who is going to offer me the best packages for aftercare.  I searched relentlessly online, back and forth from site to site.  I made a few telephone calls.  I joined the WLS forum and scanned over the forums before I decided to  join in.  I was on youtube, I read articles.  So in preparation and I don't think that we are really ever prepared, I did a lot of paper research before I started to reach out and ask questions.  I never went to my own Doctor as past negative experiences I made a choice and did it my way * Bursts into song*

I picked my three companies

• The Hospital Group - Mr M Richardson - Spire Parkway.  Solihull
• Ramsey Health  -  Mr N V Jayanthi - Springfield Hospital.  Chelmsford
• Spire Health - Mr Mannur - Hartswood Hospital. Brentwood

I whittled it down to these choices.  I had been researching over a month or so, going back and forth between hospitals.  Below is a brief summary of pro's and con's.

The Hospital Group - Mr M Richardson - Spire Parkway.  Solihull

Pro's.

• Very nice clinic
• Very professional
• Clean and modern
• Reception area welcoming
• Staff very happy to help
• Consultant spent time explaining pro's and con's of the operation
• Consultant spent time answering any questions
• Consultant was very honest about my health and weight
• Patient Adviser, professional yet explained on a level I understood
• Lots of time spent going over all the pro's and con's
• Not pressured in to making a decision on the spot
• Given lots of information to mull over in my own time
• Given contact number for any further advice
• Free consultation, with no obligation
• Felt like I was the only patient they ever had

Con's

• Nearest clinic is in London
• Surgery to take place in Solihull

Ramsey Health  -  Mr N V Jayanthi - Springfield Hospital.  Chelmsford

Pro's.

• Nearest clinic Essex
• Surgery Essex
• Consultant spent time explaining pro's and con's of the operation
• Consultant spent time answering any questions
• Consultant was very honest about my health and weight

Con's

• Clinic also dealt with NHS Patients
• Felt like a Sheep
• No personal care
• £200 consultation fee
• No written information
• Appointment - I was 40 minutes late - they couldn't even find me on the system because the secretary never booked me in.
• Consultant focused more on the fact I might spring a leak or even die
• Consultant wanted me to go back for another consultation (£200)
• NHS Nurses were busy and forgot I was there
• Rushed appointment
• For any information I had to call the secretary.
• Questioned if he could deal with someone my size as I felt like he was continually covering his arse.

I got to this point before I even went in to see the consultant I had decided I am not going with Ramsey and decided to go with the Hospital Group.  Maybe it was a bit rash but it felt right for me and after much thought I called Rachel.  I am lucky I can go private and have a choice, if I were going NHS then I would have no choice.

So I am super happy with The Hospital Group.  Rachel the Patient Adviser has been my little angel.  Any questions she is there answering for me. I call or email and she is answering as soon as she can.  Yes I am a paying patient and yes for the money I am handing over I should be treated like a queen.  But still regardless of all that I actually feel fabulous and comfortable and relaxed.  I liked Mr Richardson, I love Rachel and you know the whole experience for me was professional from the initial telephone call and even now.

Waiting on the Dietitian to call tomorrow - will have more news to share.

See you on the flip side xx

When we need a little help.

I touched on this briefly when I was telling My Story.  But I knew I wanted to come back and really look in to this.  Even if it is to get off my chest.  Have a look at the estimated stats below.

In the UK there are approximately:

• 1.6 Million have an eating disorder
• 1.1 Million - 2.7 Million people are addicted to or using drugs
• 1.4 Million people are alcohol dependent 
• 9 Million People smoke cigarettes
• 2.7 Million People are smoking e-cigarettes
• 500,00 People contracted an STi
• 24.9% of the population are obese

So a few facts a figures for you to mull over.  All of the above can be fatal.  All of the above are self-inflicted - maybe mental illnesses - maybe addictions, whatever they are to the individual, if any of these individuals do not get help they all can be life threatening.  

So why is is when it comes to getting help from the NHS you have to turn in to a performing monkey and start having to jump through hoops?  Yes the NHS run lots of campaigns for these different disorders but are they really addressing the actual problems, which I believe stem from society and lack of education.

The Government campaigned hard to combat smoking.  It was hugely successful  and it has been a whole different game out there in society.  Smoking is not socially acceptable.  How did they change people's mindsets?  What did they do?  They re-educated the people with scare tactics and brutally true information.  They offered cessation to smokers, every surgery is swamped with literature about the effects of smoking and smoking related diseases.  They banned advertisement for any smoking products. They banned smoking from social places, such as work places, pubs, hotels, restaurants etc.  They have put taxes up on cigarettes so they are hardly affordable.  I can see in my lifetime that smoking will become obsolete as each year less and less of the UK population are smoking.  Brilliant, why can't they do the same with Alcohol and Sugar? (Drugs are tricky as there is no control of the substances as a majority of drug related addiction is illegal)  So OK the STi campaigns come and go depending on the most popular STi.  Alcohol campaigns are only usually around the Christmas period.  Where are the drug campaigns, the eating disorder campaigns???  Some are just forgotten.  

I don't know! 

I can remember when I was a youn'un I had road safety shoved down my throat when I was a kid.  The Green Cross Code Man and Tufty made us aware.   There they were popping up during peak time advertising.   Children's safety adverts about strangers etc.  Yes by the time were were 11 and going off in to secondary school we were sick to the back teeth of it.   But we were aware, and very steet wise.  So why not bring back the awareness campaigns having age approprate campaigns at the cinema's, on video games, in magazines on the Poster Boards, I mean where have they gone, you don't see them really.   Pubs to close during the day or not be able to serve alcohol.  Sugar taxes for consumers.  The list can go on, couldn't it.  As a society we have the tools to obtain safe advice on how to get help for different treatments.  Hmmm!! I think more campaigns.  We are living in an impatient world where information has to be given freely.  Why is help limited. All boils down to the same thing MONEY!!!!!!!  Whats my point here?  Well look at this:

• Eating Disorders and related treatments costs the NHS £1.26 Billion (2016)
• Drug Addiction costs the NHS £15.4 Billion 
• Alcohol Addiction and related treatments costs the NHS  £21 Billion
• Smoking Cessation Services and related treatments costs the NHS  £5.5 Billion
• 2.7 Million People are smoking e-cigarettes - not yet known
• 500,00 People contracted an STi and related treatments costs the NHS 11.4 Billion
• Obesity costs the NHS between £6 - £8 Billion each year (2015)
  
  (All figures are rough cut from the internet)

That is a heck of a lot of money.  And that's only information what I swiped from the internet.  I suspect the spending is a lot more.  Isn't prevention better than cure?  But if there were no taxes being taken from cigarettes or alcohol where is the money coming from?  I feel like I have uncovered a government conspiracy. 

What I really want to talk about is obesity.  After all this is why I am here.  Would have I become morbidly obese if I had the help I needed 30 years ago?  I think no or I maybe would be a little overweight.  I think the information we needed was in front of us all the time.  But as with everything it is swept under the carpet.  Why was I not listened to, I was told to stop eating the junk.  UMMMMM If it as that easy why would I go to my GP?  Why was I pushed aside as if I deserved to be fat?  Like eating fruit and veg was the answer.  well of course not it ran much deeper than that.  I should have been asked if I wanted to speak to a councillor or be referred to a dietitian who could have helped me, explained to me what the sugars and fat are doing to my body.  Re-educate me on eating healthy, why I needed carbs and proteins and what they do for you.  Yes I think so.  

As you may know I work in a secondary school with students who range from 11 - 19.  It's sad to see how many of these students, both girls and boys are struggling with weight issues and subsequently, their self-esteem, confidence, self image and self worth.  It's even sadder to see how we cant properly address it because of government guidelines.  A bowl or cup of fruit in the canteen area is hardly introducing healthy eating or even promoting healthy eating in schools.   

Maybe my concerns are wrong?  Is there too much of a choice these days?  The town I live is not very big and yet there are so many food places to eat.  It's teeming with food places and not any of them offering a healthy option.  

Maybe because I am embarking on a new path that my eyes have been opened to all what I knew and now I am thinking normally, instead of ignoring what little information there has been who knows why I am thinking differently.  I think I have made my point.  

I am hoping this is not a negative post but more of a post for you to go forth and make your opinion known.  

All it takes is one person to change the world..

See you on the flip side xx

The Real Question...

Start Weight: 26st.3lb |166.8kg |368lbs (Approx)

Measurements: Bust - 61in | Waist - 57in | Hips - 64 |
BMI 55

Goodness me!! When you put it like this.  That is a whole lot of me and three other people.  I am not even going to ask how I got here, I know the answer to that.  The real question I need to ask is why did I let myself get here?  What a wake up for me!  Now I could spend hours beating myself up about this.  I must say I am disgusted and embarrassed. I am also going to move on.  I am at a place in my life where I can let go of things that have impacted me over there years and this journey is going to be the best one yet.  But before I go getting all positive, I wanted to share with you guys how ill I look.  My skin is harbouring a dirty yellow colour.  That is not me, I used to glow.  I don't like what I see.

So let us find the positive and look at the happier side of the coin.

 Old me

• Dishonest with my eating habits
• The mirror telling me I am beautiful and look good
• Out of control with my eating habits

Crikey! When I say I am true to myself, what a big fat liar I really am.  I am lying to myself all the time, telling myself 'this wont hurt'  When actually its killing me slowly.

New Me:

• Telling myself the truth and being completely honest
• Not listening to the mirror.  Weight loss will make me feel great.  Even so I need to get to my ideal BMi.
• Controlling my eating

I mean lets face it there is a lot more going on here than I would admit.  I have a seriously negative relationship with food.  I am not seeing it as a fuel, I am seeing it as a treat.  Maybe that was a thing from when I was a kid?  There wasn't a lot of money around and sweets, cakes and chocolates were not on the top of the list.  However,  mum would treat me every now and then.  I would have a 10 pence mix.  In the old days 10p was a huge amount of money.  For 10p I could get:

1. 5p pack of crisps
2. 4 mojo's for a 1p
3. 2 strawberry laces 1p
4. 2 chocolate sticks 1p
5. 4 flying saucers 1p
6. 2 milk bottles 1/2p
7. 2 cola bottles 1/2p

And that would get you a huge bag of sweets and you could swap the crisps for an ice pole in the summer.  I wouldn't make these last though.  I would gobble them all down and not share at all.  Was I greedy? Was I selfish?  I don't know but thinking about it now I think it was because I couldn't save anything for later.

Anyhoo I did develop horrible habits when I was young.  I think it was a control thing.  The point is that I am going to be in control.  I need to be to make this work and I am going to have to learn to control my eating habits, my portion sizes.  This is my second chance.  If I blow it, I am but a fool.

Catch you on the flip side x

What clothing I am taking..

Good evening friends.  Last night we had a wonderful rolling storm.  The flashy forked lightning did take me back to the early 90's when raving was new and hot on the scene.  Ahhhh those were the good old days, when you could dance all night and sleep all day.

Today I started my hospital checklist.  I am stupidly, obsessively organised and like to prepare, so I thought I would share what I am doing, maybe it will give you some idea's or maybe not.  I want my hospital stay to be as comfortable as possible.   First thing I took in to consideration the weather.  I am a hot blooded gal and I get very hot very quickly.  So light weight is a must for me, not forgetting that I will be wearing those man luring sexy surgical stocking numbers.  (I'm sure Keanu would go for them!)  So NO long legged nightwear that gets all wrapped round your legs like an octopus on heat.  I also know that I will need to be comfy around my mid-waist so I want fabric that is going to work with me, and that is jersey cotton.  It's cool light weight and stretches with me when I fidget, and I fidget a lot. Also, I will probably will be getting my tummy out for all and sundry due to checks on the wounds (where they will put the laparoscopic thingys)

2 Nights - at Spires Parkway Solihull

Nightwear

• 2 x Shortie Pyjama's.  Loose waist, jersey cotton, easy access to mid section for wound checking + cool for adorning sexy surgical stockings
• 1 x Dressing Gown, lightweight cotton a good cover up for the walk of your life
• Socks - My feet can become like blocks of ice.
• Slippers for skipping round the corridors Post Op.

I am dressed for comfy and dignified few days of on and off sleeping and recovering. 

The Basics

• 2 x Bra's
• 3 x Knicky noo knack, a spare just in case.
• Leggings for the journey home 
• Comfortable top for the journey home

That is all the clothing I am taking.  I am not over packing.  I am trying to be as mini as I can.  You know what happens, you pack everything and then only use a toothbrush.

So I will be back for more packing tips for toiletries, this is my nemesis, I know already I will over pack.  I am not going to be sucked in.   AH HA! NOT I!! No Sirree I am going to be minimal...

See you on the flip side x

This is it

Hello all how are you?   Welcome to my new bloglet.  I hope that through my journey, trials and tribulations you will be able to find some positive inspiration, so you too can go forth and be a happy, healthy, beautiful you.

Do you like my title?  Its a bit tongue in cheek.  You know how it goes, you spend years dieting feeling like what you are eating would barely keep a bird alive and it's no wonder one can't keep it up.  I am that one.

So this blog is totally dedicated to my journey.  I will be travelling back in time and also forward, but mostly the present.  I do hope to get some video diaries in too.

But for now you have to put up with my appalling spelling and grammar.

I decided to document my journey and I call it a journey because I have no idea where I am going, but I know I want to travel forward.  I decided to document my journey because when I researching all my different options for Bariatric Surgery there was hundreds in the US but hardly any in the UK.  So here I am...

In this blog I will not be all flowers and unicorns, there are going to be a few weeds and wart hogs my friends.  This is about ME and MY journey.  There will be all kinds going on..  I'm guessing??

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts but please remember that I am human and I do have feelings, so if you are about to write something ugly then it's probably going to impact somehow on my journey.  Saying that don't dress it all up, all I am asking is that you think about what you are saying and how what you say may have a lasting impact.

Let's do this .......