The Real Question...

Start Weight: 26st.3lb |166.8kg |368lbs (Approx)

Measurements: Bust - 61in | Waist - 57in | Hips - 64 |
BMI 55

Goodness me!! When you put it like this.  That is a whole lot of me and three other people.  I am not even going to ask how I got here, I know the answer to that.  The real question I need to ask is why did I let myself get here?  What a wake up for me!  Now I could spend hours beating myself up about this.  I must say I am disgusted and embarrassed. I am also going to move on.  I am at a place in my life where I can let go of things that have impacted me over there years and this journey is going to be the best one yet.  But before I go getting all positive, I wanted to share with you guys how ill I look.  My skin is harbouring a dirty yellow colour.  That is not me, I used to glow.  I don't like what I see.

So let us find the positive and look at the happier side of the coin.

 Old me

• Dishonest with my eating habits
• The mirror telling me I am beautiful and look good
• Out of control with my eating habits

Crikey! When I say I am true to myself, what a big fat liar I really am.  I am lying to myself all the time, telling myself 'this wont hurt'  When actually its killing me slowly.

New Me:

• Telling myself the truth and being completely honest
• Not listening to the mirror.  Weight loss will make me feel great.  Even so I need to get to my ideal BMi.
• Controlling my eating

I mean lets face it there is a lot more going on here than I would admit.  I have a seriously negative relationship with food.  I am not seeing it as a fuel, I am seeing it as a treat.  Maybe that was a thing from when I was a kid?  There wasn't a lot of money around and sweets, cakes and chocolates were not on the top of the list.  However,  mum would treat me every now and then.  I would have a 10 pence mix.  In the old days 10p was a huge amount of money.  For 10p I could get:

1. 5p pack of crisps
2. 4 mojo's for a 1p
3. 2 strawberry laces 1p
4. 2 chocolate sticks 1p
5. 4 flying saucers 1p
6. 2 milk bottles 1/2p
7. 2 cola bottles 1/2p

And that would get you a huge bag of sweets and you could swap the crisps for an ice pole in the summer.  I wouldn't make these last though.  I would gobble them all down and not share at all.  Was I greedy? Was I selfish?  I don't know but thinking about it now I think it was because I couldn't save anything for later.

Anyhoo I did develop horrible habits when I was young.  I think it was a control thing.  The point is that I am going to be in control.  I need to be to make this work and I am going to have to learn to control my eating habits, my portion sizes.  This is my second chance.  If I blow it, I am but a fool.

Catch you on the flip side x

What clothing I am taking..

Good evening friends.  Last night we had a wonderful rolling storm.  The flashy forked lightning did take me back to the early 90's when raving was new and hot on the scene.  Ahhhh those were the good old days, when you could dance all night and sleep all day.

Today I started my hospital checklist.  I am stupidly, obsessively organised and like to prepare, so I thought I would share what I am doing, maybe it will give you some idea's or maybe not.  I want my hospital stay to be as comfortable as possible.   First thing I took in to consideration the weather.  I am a hot blooded gal and I get very hot very quickly.  So light weight is a must for me, not forgetting that I will be wearing those man luring sexy surgical stocking numbers.  (I'm sure Keanu would go for them!)  So NO long legged nightwear that gets all wrapped round your legs like an octopus on heat.  I also know that I will need to be comfy around my mid-waist so I want fabric that is going to work with me, and that is jersey cotton.  It's cool light weight and stretches with me when I fidget, and I fidget a lot. Also, I will probably will be getting my tummy out for all and sundry due to checks on the wounds (where they will put the laparoscopic thingys)

2 Nights - at Spires Parkway Solihull

Nightwear

• 2 x Shortie Pyjama's.  Loose waist, jersey cotton, easy access to mid section for wound checking + cool for adorning sexy surgical stockings
• 1 x Dressing Gown, lightweight cotton a good cover up for the walk of your life
• Socks - My feet can become like blocks of ice.
• Slippers for skipping round the corridors Post Op.

I am dressed for comfy and dignified few days of on and off sleeping and recovering. 

The Basics

• 2 x Bra's
• 3 x Knicky noo knack, a spare just in case.
• Leggings for the journey home 
• Comfortable top for the journey home

That is all the clothing I am taking.  I am not over packing.  I am trying to be as mini as I can.  You know what happens, you pack everything and then only use a toothbrush.

So I will be back for more packing tips for toiletries, this is my nemesis, I know already I will over pack.  I am not going to be sucked in.   AH HA! NOT I!! No Sirree I am going to be minimal...

See you on the flip side x

This is it

Hello all how are you?   Welcome to my new bloglet.  I hope that through my journey, trials and tribulations you will be able to find some positive inspiration, so you too can go forth and be a happy, healthy, beautiful you.

Do you like my title?  Its a bit tongue in cheek.  You know how it goes, you spend years dieting feeling like what you are eating would barely keep a bird alive and it's no wonder one can't keep it up.  I am that one.

So this blog is totally dedicated to my journey.  I will be travelling back in time and also forward, but mostly the present.  I do hope to get some video diaries in too.

But for now you have to put up with my appalling spelling and grammar.

I decided to document my journey and I call it a journey because I have no idea where I am going, but I know I want to travel forward.  I decided to document my journey because when I researching all my different options for Bariatric Surgery there was hundreds in the US but hardly any in the UK.  So here I am...

In this blog I will not be all flowers and unicorns, there are going to be a few weeds and wart hogs my friends.  This is about ME and MY journey.  There will be all kinds going on..  I'm guessing??

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts but please remember that I am human and I do have feelings, so if you are about to write something ugly then it's probably going to impact somehow on my journey.  Saying that don't dress it all up, all I am asking is that you think about what you are saying and how what you say may have a lasting impact.

Let's do this .......